No, I did something even more uncomfortable. I purchased a swimsuit. Yes, I realise for most women this is an annual event. However, for me, it's something that is completely alien. I can't even remember the last time I wore a swimsuit. I think I may have been an adolescent. No, that's not true. I'd actually hazard a guess and say I was probably a child of about 8 or 9 the last time I wore a swimsuit.
You may find that an absurd statement, particularly as I live in one of the most beach-obsessed nations on the planet. But, there's a few reasons for my antipathy. Firstly, I absolutely LOATHE swimming. I *can* swim - as a matter of fact, I was a champion backstroker in my (very) early years at school. I vaguely remember enjoying it at some point. I don't know when that changed - it just did.
Secondly, I could be Nicole Kidman's twin sister - I'm as pale as a ghost. I only have to sit in the (winter) sun on my back deck for 20 minutes and I will burn. Oh, and I don't tan. I go a lovely shade of lobster red, peel, itch, and blister for two weeks, and then back to white. What a delight. And I admit, that's always annoyed me. I think I get it from my mother's side of the family, as she's pale too. God knows it's not from my father's side. Although he was blonde with blue eyes, like myself, and of Dutch/German heritage, he would go as brown as a berry. Actually, my mother's side of the family is Jewish and French, so hell, I should be able to tan to some degree. But, I digress...
Thirdly, I'm not particularly crazy about wandering around in a state of undress in my own bathroom. There's no way in hell I'm going to wander around in a public place like that.
My last, and most important, reason is that although I'm not crazy about swimming in pools, but would probably do so for exercise if I owned a pool, I absolutely cannot stand the ocean. What is there to like? I can't bear swimming in saltwater (and how do people open their eyes in the ocean - UGH .. the thought fills me with unimaginable horror), but then there's the idea of all manner of 'things' floating around underneath me (ie. seaweed, garbage, sharks, perhaps a dead body or three, oh .. and effluent OMG). But my most despised thing of all? Sand.
I think sand is God's biggest laugh. Even if I could get past the concept of burning eyes, giant man-eating fish eating my liver as an appetiser, rotting corpses, and bodily wastes, I cannot tolerate sand. Hot sand burns. God knows how many discarded syringes are lying around. Oh, and picking it out of my scalp (and other areas) for the next month is not something that is high on my "must do before I die" list.
Like I say, the whole experience is so revolting to me, that I simply cannot understand the fascination with ANY of it.
So, having said all that, you may be wondering why on earth I purchased a swimsuit? Well, there's one - and ONLY one - reason for that - our trip away to Howqua in 1.5 weeks. The last few times DH Russ & I have stayed somewhere that had a hottub, I either skinny dipped (it was only him present after all), or else I wore a ratty 15-year-old bodysuit. Since this bodysuit now has about 3 large gaping holes in it and a broken strap, I figured I might purchase a swimsuit.
So, that's what I did today. And that's the picture. I purchased it online, and it should arrive either tomorrow or Monday. I only hope it fits. It's rather simple, but my favourite colour - black. Its obviously been a long time since I purchased a swimsuit, since I almost choked to death when I realised that with shipping, it would cost me almost $110. I suppose that's probably considered cheap for most people, however, for me, it's absurd. I wouldn't normally pay $110 for an item of clothing I would wear with any regularity, but I spent it on something I'll only ever wear when we go away somewhere that has a hottub (ie. once a year if I'm lucky).
On the upside, perhaps I can use this as an excuse to go away more often.
One thing's for certain - it won't be changing my mind about swimming in the ocean.
1 comment:
hehehehe!!!!!! Tooooo funny!
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